i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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