It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
