and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
