I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This baby is an asshole
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
