In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
