Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
