If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Enjoy the penises
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
