wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize