It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I puked a lego.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
