I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
