I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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