Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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