I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
