theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
