the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
