I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
