I heard we made out
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
