im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize