Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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