I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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