Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
