dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am one with the molecules
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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