5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
