Porn is love you can see.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
