So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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