i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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