ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
