this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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