stop calling my apartment porn island.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
