UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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