sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
