big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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