so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
