after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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