And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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