apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
