any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
