I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
