who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
