I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
