U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
