Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
