If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
