I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize