Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
