what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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