He kissed a someone with a penis
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
