Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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