After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
