I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
