my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
