I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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