Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
