are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
