I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
where does the pee come out of this thing
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize