im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
