If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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