I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
