Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
