It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
