Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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