I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
