"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
