I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
