actually, I'm a sock model
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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