Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
