So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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