1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
