Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
