I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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