My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This couple is walking their pig around campus
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
