so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
