so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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