If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
