Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
