now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize