the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
