Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
