I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Never underestimate the power of titties
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
