every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
