I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
