I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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