come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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