worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
