Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Couch. On fire.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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