i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
