Is it normal to miss your booty call?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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