Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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