I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
