the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
