So drunk its hurt
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
