I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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