Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize