I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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