i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
